The Ultimate NonMarySue revised
by Rambling Thestral
Summary: Another of those, I'm sick and tired of these Mary-Sues! But different. A parody of parodies of Mary-Sues...the title says it all. Flames welcome. Hehe...


Disclaimer: I do not, nor ever will, enjoy the privilege of holding in possession of myself, the Lord of the Rings, or in fact, anything that pertains to the Lord of the Rings that cannot be sold in stores legally.  
  
A/N: Due to the extreme need of Anti-Mary-Sues, this fic has been scrutinized to the utmost extent possible. And therefore, the character therein has been given no features whatsoever that may pertain to that of a Mary Sue, namely that he/she cannot: be half elf, hybrid of any creature of Middle Earth, creature not of Middle Earth, or unique [including unique name for race, appearance, skills, etc.], have any relations whatsoever with canon characters, fall in love or be loved, be trusted or liked, have any powers whatsoever, be capable of doing anything worthwhile, share name with a canon character or have unreasonable name for race, be feminist or completely feminine, display love or kindness towards any creatures or receive theirs in return, have favorable physical features, have an interesting history, acquire feelings of readers or attempt to do so, be connected to author of story, hate or love any canon character, have any knowledge of or have any contact or connection with the Fellowship, change any canon character, or be relevant to story, including Rings of Power.  
  
*As Dís is the sole name of any female Dwarf to be cited, and character can in no way be related to Fellowship character [Gimli], name must be devised according to any relevant previous knowledge. However, there are no references to other female Dwarf women, and therefore, name will be closest to Dwarfish as possible.  
  
Chapter 1: Thaína  
  
Thaína had lived in the mountains of Rhûn for as long as she could remember. She had never ventured farther than to the sea, which in itself, was an extremely rare occasion. She lived with her parents, who hardly came out from their part of the mountain.  
  
Thaína had rough, coarse brown hair that had never been brushed before. Most of the time, it grew over her face, often trailing on the ground. Her eyes were a dull, muddy brown that reminded others of animal manure. She was an average height for her folk and hadn't grown now for 20 years.  
  
On one particularly interesting afternoon, Thaína saw a bird flying not far from where she sat, examining a rock.  
  
She grumbled at its arrogance to be in her presence. In response, the bird gave a sharp caw and flew away, the smell of the Dwarf maiden disgusting it. Thaína shouted a curse after it and went back to her studying of the rock.  
  
She wore a coarse, rough dress that was a chalky brown. It never got in her way, though, because her daily activities solely consisted of studying motionless, inert objects.  
  
Some years later, she heard a rumor that the fourth age of Middle Earth had begun.  
  
"Middle Earth," she thought to herself. "So that's what it's called." She sniffed. "You learn something new every day."  
  
And she went back to the studying of the rock.  
  
~The End~  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Of the Solely Anti-Mary-Sue Writers: Yes, I know. There *are* flaws with Mary-Sues. The grammar may be off and the character unreasonable, and maybe the plot isn't even all too original. But, tell me, are Anti-Mary-Sues fics? They are written simply to disparage and belittle others' work because they deem it unfit for their beloved eyes. Or, as they might prefer, to assist fanfiction in the ridding of its uttermost horrendous authors. Oh, and might I add, while they're at it, why don't they just rid fanfiction of all the original characters or fabricated scenes? Isn't it outrageous that there could be something that was not mentioned before in the book? Oh wait, I forgot, that's what fanfiction IS.  
  
Don't consider me a Mary Sue writer, please. Or a defender of Mary Sues. I'm simply allowing myself to calmly rant with an air of superciliousness [ha! Got that from The Glass Menagerie!]. And for those of you who know me, it's a one time thing. I promise never to do this again.  
  
Flames welcome --- but preferably without cussing *if* that's possible, as in, if you for some reason have so limited a vocabulary so as to not be able to express yourself in other ways, or even keep control of yourself...but if you *do*, just to say, I will either delete it or *gasp, could I?* ignore it for various reasons of my own.  
  
Thanks *grin* *wave to reviewers I know --- you're wonderful!*  
  
~Rambling Thestral~ 


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